Creating a space where I feel like I belong – My opinion

As I sit here to write this blog, I can’t help but reflect on an experience from my childhood which had a dramatic effect on me. Looking back now I think “Wow” how could something that seemed so small at the time lead to shaping who I am in my later years. Yes, it was that moment when your local GAA club is holding a hurling tournament and the captains are chosen, the excitement building as it is time to pick the teams. I was a little over 10 waiting patiently with everyone else to be picked, the tournament was to run over the summer. There I sat waiting, full of enthusiasm, but this slowly started to drift into doubt, fear as I was not picked until the very last, I will never forget the words, “Who wants him, I will take him if no-one else does”. Even at ten my little voice in my head was off, am I good enough, why has no-one picked me till now and will I even get a game. To my surprise, our captain, a young lad no more than 12 (realised this years later) showed great leadership traits, he immediately made me feel part of the team, telling me I was going to play and I was going to be great. In our team talks, he went out of his way to ensure I felt included, important and involved – really creating a culture of inclusion. You only realise this in later years. My response; I gave my all, I was last picked but tournament top scorer and contributed greatly to us winning the tournament, picking up the skills award along the way. Reflecting on this, you think how did someone so young, our captain, have the leadership traits to create an environment not only where I flourished but where everyone else on the team felt equal and a huge part of the team as a whole. It was simply, he had created a culture of inclusion and a sense of belonging to the team, which led to us heightening our performance for the love of the game and the benefit of the team. Years and I mean years later this moment, although small in my life has had an enormous effect on my approach to leadership, people and life – thank you, young 12 year old captain for one of life’s great lessons.

So I hear you what is a “Culture of Belonging”, simply put it is creating an environment where everyone feels they belong, included, seen, heard and valued within the team, organisation or indeed family unit.

Leadership Question : Ask yourself what have you done today which promotes a culture of belonging where all members of the team or organisation feel like they belong, feel valued, seen and heard and respected – simply “Have you actively promoted this culture”?

What happens if you can successfully foster this culture, well, when did you last feel the above, how did you perform when you did – My own experience, it led me to contribute more, deliver more and love it while I was doing it.

Creating this type of culture, while it sounds like an easy task, can be an undertaking which requires

1. Consistency – even in the face of challenge to just get it done. We all know we lean on those who deliver, at what cost, how do others develop in this environment, how do they get a sense of being valued. What effect is it really having on our trusted people, yes think about it this can lead to others not feeling like being in the loop.
2. Feedback – promoting regular feedback across the group, two-way is best, remember as a leader be open to challenge through feedback, think also how do I hear everyone and everyone feels heard – those little nuggets that you may need can come from the most unexpected of places if you can actively promote this environment.

Leadership Tip: think SBI (Situation, behaviour, Impact), what was the situation, what was the behaviour you observed, what was the impact. And please, do not forget this is not just for the learnings (or as some call it mistakes) but it is equally as important when we do something right – give context in all situations. Saying good job is also not say much, context, context, context.

3. Create Equity – creating an environment where everyone is given the support they need, some of us need something different not always the same approach works. Round peg, square hole – does not work, find another way, understand the person and what it is they need (may not be what they want)
4. You are always on display – become the example, lead by example, as someone once said to me “Daniel, you are always on display even when you think no-ones looking”
5. Promote better listening – this is a funny one but we were given “Two ears and one mouth” for a reason, to listen twice as much as we speak. Again another favourite “WAIT: Why am I talking. Listen with the intent to understand not respond, great for opening up to what is truly being said and also for what’s not being said – heightens your ability to truly understand perspective and situations.
6. Psychological Safety – we want an environment, culture where it is ok to speak up, give your opinion, take risks and learn (again mistakes) without fear, challenge, learn all for the greater good.

Leadership Tip: Be the champion here, it is vitally important you are the example.

7. Be kind, not nice – promote a culture where opinion is valued, it may not be what you want to hear, but it may be what you need to hear to improve and feel like you belong.
8. Finally from my perspective. Turn “ME” into to “We” – focus on the greater good what is best for the team, organisation in order to succeed – focussing on “We” leads to better outcomes and also can lead to greater thing for me – so why not focus on “WE”.

That brings me to a story experienced in my own leadership journey, I will keep it brief. On looking at my own team performance and one in particular which had dipped significantly over a 3 month period, led me to consider a performance improvement plan to support the individual to improve, I said consider. However, prior to leading myself down this path I decide to chat to two trusted senior team members, which led to discovering that a significant family matter had taken place in this persons life. I thought, how did I become so disconnected and not know or see what was going on. So I chose a different path post this discussion and sat with the individual, spoke through and supported them with their challenge, and also had the performance related discussion which led to an ultimately better outcome.

The lessons for me in this, where

1. Things are not always what they seem
2. Work & Home are linked, each has an enormous effect on the other
3. Was I really listening, seeing the cues – if you see it, smell it, see it – it just might be it – do not be afraid to be wrong.
4. Make 1:1’s more meaningful, not all project based – we are all human, lest I forget.
5. Psychological Safety – important, important, important – the better it is, the more connect you are as a team
6. I’m not perfect – this is ok, but support exist all around you, don’t be afraid to ask and importantly “Accept it” – be an example

Call to action:

For you guys, here’s my challenge.

1. How does your leadership style support creating this type of culture?
2. How does your team behave, contribute to this?
3. What example do you set, when the going gets tough?
4. What is the one thing you can do or do differently to support creating better outcomes in this space?

Need support – reach out, I support leaders, teams and organisations to strive to be better as “Choice Matters”.

Be authentic, be real – just be you.

Embrace learnings – strive to be better – nobody’s perfect 